Catching Up.. Part 1

Wow... been way to long since I wrote anything. Life has been busy to say the least. I'm not working from home much any more. The general slow down in business has forced me to take more "traditional" gigs. Working as a sub contractor for larger groups and spending more time working at client sites as part of a team. I guess I'm being pulled slowly back into the corporate world with all the ugliness that entails.

All that ends up meaning that I'm spending less time in SL at different hours that I used to. And the time I spend there I'm usually only half there mentally as I'm doing other work related things. I'm not getting time to spend with my Nina. Not getting to share her day to day joy's and triumphs like I used to. Not being able to fill my part... my role... and that makes me feel sad. I've become yet another absent SL Dominant that causes so pain to others. I hate it when I see it happen to others and it makes me angry at myself that it seems to be happening to me.

I do keep other lines of communication open, gchat, email.. etc. So my Nina knows i'm thinking of her but its not the same. Others have asked for a place with me.. and I have extended my protection (a vamp thing) to one sweet kitten but I'm hesitant to offer more. To take another step down a road I'll be pulled from due to the demands of RL.

Losing contact with My Minxy is not helping the way I feel either. I feel responsible for her disappence back into RL. I feel responsible for her abandoning her SL friends. I know I shouldn't but... *shrugs*

more to come.

Missing da Minx

Along with my rants and random thoughts I find my self a bit blue. I realized the other day that it has been three months.. count em... three... since I last saw my Minxy in SL. I miss the lovely nutter. I miss her bad jokes and puns, I miss her quiet strength when she took her place at my feet. I miss her. We had just started down a path... *sighs* I simply hope she is well and happy and that in some way she knows that she still has a place should she return.

"Are you a Mistress?"

Yes, I have and interest in and am involved in (to varying degrees over the years) in what is called the D/s lifestyle. I am almost exclusively active only in SL these days and its my experience there that leads to this post.

"Are you a Mistress?"... This is a question I have been asked numerous times while hanging out at a SL place called The Bondage Ranch. I think what they are really asking is "Are you a Dominatrix?". For some reason this question always surprises me and I always answer with what I see is the truth... "I am called Mistress by some" and leave it at that This seems to confuse most that ask the question and it quickly ends the conversation (which I see no downside in at all). But this has happened enough that I feel I need to step back and explore the real question... What am I?

I guess its best to say I am a Dominant in the sense of female wolf being the alpha bitch of her pack. I'm also very solitary by nature so although I am a dominant type of person I comfortable by myself (living in my own head) and have never had a need to search for someone to be dominant over. I also have a sadistic streak. Not to say i like to hurt people but I do enjoy the employment and exploration of pain as another sensation to toy with as part of sexual play with a WILLING partner.

Does all this make me a Mistress or Dominatrix? To address the latter.. No, it does not. I'm not one for the theater I associate with a dominatrix. I love fetish wear but it does not have to be part of my play. I am as apt to play in my jeans and cami as I am in my latex corset and thigh high boots. I'm not one for the barking of commands and verbal abuse nor am I into the (what I perceive) the put on appearance of superiority with the words "Yes Mistress" being uttered every few minutes. All these things I see as the theater around what is important. Yes, I make requests with expectations of compliance. Yes, I will break a toy down verbally if I feel a point needs to be made, or if the whim strikes and it will amuse me. And yes i expect respect but that does not mean being called some title every time one of my girls opens their mouth. As I have told them both.. "I know well my place in the food chain. I don't need the reminder. And if you do, then I'm doing something wrong"

Now to address the former... I feel 'Mistress' (or Master for that matter) is a title one can't just pick up and wear. It can only be bestowed by another. When you and that other person come to a place in life where they TRUST you enough to submit, to give, themselves (in some large measure) to you. And where you TRUST them enough to accept that gift and all the responsibility that comes with it. To me, it is a powerful term, one that should never be taken, or given, lightly.

I'm not saying my views "are the way is should be". I'm saying is this is the way for me. And that is what matters in my mind.

Killing Time if Nothing Else...

It has been a VERY busy few days. Good from a business standpoint as always but it keeps me away from things like this blog, forums and SL. Things I find relaxing for the most part.

So I find myself with a few minutes today and here I am, blogging a bit while standing about a place in SL called Bondage Ranch. I tend to hang about here when I'm in a killing time or chilling mood. Stand about and watch the herd mill about. A herd that consists primarily of goobs and other lower forms of SL life. Like one that just walked in...

Ariann Roussel shouts: hello all Doms!

Wow... Like the few Dom/me about give a flying rats ass that another free range wannasubbie has wandered into view. I know I was all a twitter after this announcement *rolls her eyes*

But even goobs like this have entertainment value. Something to snark and laugh at if nothing else. And occasionally one of the herd catches my eye. One that shows a care for its look and maybe with something to say in its profile. One that might be interesting to take, to subdue, to listen to the sweet music of its screams, to use to amuse myself for a period of time... but to pursue would take to much effort (I'm a lazy vamp these days) and I am quite content with the two pets I have in hand. They me serve very well...... not seeing them because I'm busy is the worst thing about being busy. *shrugs*

Spending time with a Pet and thinking

I'm sitting about working on a joint project with my Nina and some recent conversations start bubbling through my mind. By the way I refer to Nina and Minxy and but some items you can see my my "About Me" section one can conclude that I have more then a simple passing interest in BDSM and the lifestyle in general. While not active in RL these more I am very active in the SL world. I takes this very seriously and that connection with Nina and Minxy is very very real. What bubbled to the surface is the the number of people running about wanting to be a sub or slave in SL. Most it seems just for a couple hours of sexual "play" (contrary to their word), like letting your RL lover tie you up for a night to give the sex an edge. Then there are those that seem to have more depth and looking for something more but just offer them selves up to the first person running about with a "Master/Mistress" tag or an interesting profile. So eager that they don't take the time to know the person or develop anything out side the "sexual" side of things. Then they sit back and wonder why they are disillusioned. By rushing in they miss something important. I sometimes feel sorry for these souls... *shrugs*

A Pet, Coffee and Words...

Yes, my pet Nina, coffee and words are what I started the day with. I poured a cup a coffee and dropped in to SL before the sun was up. By sheer coincidence my Nina showed up at almost the exact same time. It always amazes me how a simple typed "Good Morning my dear owner" can bring a smile to my lips. How our conversation and prose paints power images of my Nina at my feet... arms bound tightly behind her and smiling up at me as I run my fingers through her hair sipping my morning coffee. Images far more vivid and real then the cartoon on the screen in front of me in RL. Words, simple words, powerful words....

That is how this day started my pet at my feet, sipping a cup of strong Turkish coffee. As is should be.

I had a few dead minutes so...

...I tosses some sclupty prims together and knocked out a new couch concept for ones SL shack. A soft modern/contemporary look that has a comfy look to it I think. This is the forth set that will be offered in SL on places like OnRez, etc. And just because I'm not busy enough with RL (yea, right) I also drafting up a series of new and updated poses for this line of stuffs. Back to doing real work for me.....

Building Again...

Wow... Third day in a row to post something. I'm gonna ruin my image as a slacker! Anyway.. I've started building and doing some simple animation work again. This all came about because I want some new furniture in my SL apartment. I can never seem to find exactly what I want or find stuff that is close but with Mod right so I can make it "mine". So I started to make a set of living room furniture that is closer to the laid back, modern, comfy style that I like. When my Nina found out she got all excited and decided it was time to put some of her considerable scripting skills to work and finish up an idea she has for auto adjusting, selectable pose, sit scripts for furniture that are not the resource hogs as she puts it. Of course this let me to "having" to build some new animations with the hip height normalized across all the poses. So this is the first set to roll out. Yes I said first (grumbles)... I'm not sure how I got talked into all of this. But its easy to slap prims together and kind of fun. The final result will be a platform to showcase my Nina's idea's and will be marketed by her. I'll post more as this product is matured.

I am blessed

Just sitting about dealing with mundane paperwork associated with my RL business and started thinking of SL and the friends I have made there. Here are a few..

First of my oldest friend Aemillia... She as been there through good and bad with me and has always been a source of strength. She is talented, cheeky, stubborn, a pain in the ass and a total sweetheart.

Then there is Forest... Mere words cannot describe her, she just has to be experience. She is my food pimp and one that both challenges and eases my mind.

Finally but not nearly least... My Pets Nina and Minxy. These two came to my hand under completely different circumstances but both never fail to make me smile. Both stubborn, both brilliant, both with lovely dark corners to play with and both MINE. Someday I might talk about what this means.