Took a long ride on the bike Saturday... It was a beautiful October day, almost 80 degrees, crystal clear skies, the road side green with a sprinkle of flowers from the rains a earlier in the week. The southwest desert at its most beautiful. I took old 66 out east of town. then turning south for a nice long stretch of open road. Just taking my time and enjoying the day.
Somewhere about 2 hours into the jaunt the world intruded. My mind started spinning over work issues of the last few weeks, over things going on with what passes for my family, just the general BS of life got a hold of my braincell and just wouldn't let go. Needless to say this was really f-ing with my mood.
I stopped to top of the tank on my bright yellow scoot then sat for a bit looking at my map trying to decide which way to run home. I was decidedly grumpy at this point so I found the most direct route.
As soon as I was back on the road with the lil town behind me all the ugly thoughts I was having returned with a vengeance. So I started to roll on more and more throttle, building speed fast, the scream of the lil triple loud even in the helmet. I crossed 80... and my mind was still wandering... then 100 went by and my mind started to focus.. started to push things back in their little boxes. I hugged the lil scoot and rolled on more.. making the world around me disappear as I tried to outrun the crap in my head.
At one point I came up FAST on a car and flicked around it, then another. I looked down and saw 132 go past as the road stretched out before me, clear except for some oncoming dots in the other lane. It was at this point I realized that a gust of wind, a bad spot in the road or, if I wished to take control, a small press on the left grip could send me head on into the tractor/trailer rig the oncoming dot had suddenly become. It was at this point that fate or my own will could free me from myself. It was at this point I realized I was calm again.
It was a good day.
Showing posts with label rambles. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rambles. Show all posts
Monday, October 20, 2008
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Sub Courting?
I find it interesting how some "submissives" in SL want to be asked, politely, to submit. How they want to be courted. To be placed on a pedestal even. I've seemed to have confused many in SL 'cause I don't ask.. "Please wear my collar.. pretty please... with whip cream and shackles on top?"
I understand that D/s is a realationship just like any other so this byplay, this pursuit, this courship is part of it all but asking someone to "submit" just doesn't make much sense to what passes for my caffine overloaded braincell.
It may all be odd to me for the simple fact I don't need, or even want to, go find someone to be dominant over. Just like I don't feel the need, or the desire, to go find some one to have a relationship with. I am a loner thru and thru. I don't have much use for people in general usually. Sex, bent or vanilla, SL or RL, is easy to come by, easy to take what I want of the moment, so what would I want with the extra hassle and bagage? Why would one such as me pursue anyone? Why would one such as me give up even a little up of power?
There are a very select few wear my collar or have asked for my protection. These few are very close friends first and foremost People I care for in my own weird way and would do so regardless of the extra D/s aspect of our connection. But in all have asked, begged even, for their place at MY feet Not the other way around. And no matter how soft my feelings for these wonderful people may be, that is EXACTLY how it should be.
Then again... Mebe its me that doesn't understand the 'rules'. Not that I care to. *shrugs*
I understand that D/s is a realationship just like any other so this byplay, this pursuit, this courship is part of it all but asking someone to "submit" just doesn't make much sense to what passes for my caffine overloaded braincell.
It may all be odd to me for the simple fact I don't need, or even want to, go find someone to be dominant over. Just like I don't feel the need, or the desire, to go find some one to have a relationship with. I am a loner thru and thru. I don't have much use for people in general usually. Sex, bent or vanilla, SL or RL, is easy to come by, easy to take what I want of the moment, so what would I want with the extra hassle and bagage? Why would one such as me pursue anyone? Why would one such as me give up even a little up of power?
There are a very select few wear my collar or have asked for my protection. These few are very close friends first and foremost People I care for in my own weird way and would do so regardless of the extra D/s aspect of our connection. But in all have asked, begged even, for their place at MY feet Not the other way around. And no matter how soft my feelings for these wonderful people may be, that is EXACTLY how it should be.
Then again... Mebe its me that doesn't understand the 'rules'. Not that I care to. *shrugs*
Monday, September 29, 2008
Catching Up.. Part 1
Wow... been way to long since I wrote anything. Life has been busy to say the least. I'm not working from home much any more. The general slow down in business has forced me to take more "traditional" gigs. Working as a sub contractor for larger groups and spending more time working at client sites as part of a team. I guess I'm being pulled slowly back into the corporate world with all the ugliness that entails.
All that ends up meaning that I'm spending less time in SL at different hours that I used to. And the time I spend there I'm usually only half there mentally as I'm doing other work related things. I'm not getting time to spend with my Nina. Not getting to share her day to day joy's and triumphs like I used to. Not being able to fill my part... my role... and that makes me feel sad. I've become yet another absent SL Dominant that causes so pain to others. I hate it when I see it happen to others and it makes me angry at myself that it seems to be happening to me.
I do keep other lines of communication open, gchat, email.. etc. So my Nina knows i'm thinking of her but its not the same. Others have asked for a place with me.. and I have extended my protection (a vamp thing) to one sweet kitten but I'm hesitant to offer more. To take another step down a road I'll be pulled from due to the demands of RL.
Losing contact with My Minxy is not helping the way I feel either. I feel responsible for her disappence back into RL. I feel responsible for her abandoning her SL friends. I know I shouldn't but... *shrugs*
more to come.
All that ends up meaning that I'm spending less time in SL at different hours that I used to. And the time I spend there I'm usually only half there mentally as I'm doing other work related things. I'm not getting time to spend with my Nina. Not getting to share her day to day joy's and triumphs like I used to. Not being able to fill my part... my role... and that makes me feel sad. I've become yet another absent SL Dominant that causes so pain to others. I hate it when I see it happen to others and it makes me angry at myself that it seems to be happening to me.
I do keep other lines of communication open, gchat, email.. etc. So my Nina knows i'm thinking of her but its not the same. Others have asked for a place with me.. and I have extended my protection (a vamp thing) to one sweet kitten but I'm hesitant to offer more. To take another step down a road I'll be pulled from due to the demands of RL.
Losing contact with My Minxy is not helping the way I feel either. I feel responsible for her disappence back into RL. I feel responsible for her abandoning her SL friends. I know I shouldn't but... *shrugs*
more to come.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Perceptions...
Wow... its been sometime since I've added something here. I've been busy with my business. The fear that many have about the current US economy has me working hard to keep my current clients (and thus my two employed minions) and working harder to drum up new work.
Watching the current melt down it astounds me how perception is not draw from reality but drives reality all by its self. Investors "think" something "might" be wrong and react on this perception which in turn creates the reality. This not only works on the macro scale like the economy but on the micro scale of personal relationships. One thinks that something is wrong in a relationship with another. They think the other has done something. They have no proof, just a feeling.. but change their actions and interactions based on this perception. This of course makes the other think and change actions as well.. and the flat spin starts with the inevitable CRASH!!! at the bottom.
Whats furhter weird is this dynamic of perception molding reality only works in the downward/negative direction. It NEVER flows back, or at least doesn't seem so to me.
Watching the current melt down it astounds me how perception is not draw from reality but drives reality all by its self. Investors "think" something "might" be wrong and react on this perception which in turn creates the reality. This not only works on the macro scale like the economy but on the micro scale of personal relationships. One thinks that something is wrong in a relationship with another. They think the other has done something. They have no proof, just a feeling.. but change their actions and interactions based on this perception. This of course makes the other think and change actions as well.. and the flat spin starts with the inevitable CRASH!!! at the bottom.
Whats furhter weird is this dynamic of perception molding reality only works in the downward/negative direction. It NEVER flows back, or at least doesn't seem so to me.
Friday, April 11, 2008
"Are you a Mistress?"
Yes, I have and interest in and am involved in (to varying degrees over the years) in what is called the D/s lifestyle. I am almost exclusively active only in SL these days and its my experience there that leads to this post.
"Are you a Mistress?"... This is a question I have been asked numerous times while hanging out at a SL place called The Bondage Ranch. I think what they are really asking is "Are you a Dominatrix?". For some reason this question always surprises me and I always answer with what I see is the truth... "I am called Mistress by some" and leave it at that This seems to confuse most that ask the question and it quickly ends the conversation (which I see no downside in at all). But this has happened enough that I feel I need to step back and explore the real question... What am I?
I guess its best to say I am a Dominant in the sense of female wolf being the alpha bitch of her pack. I'm also very solitary by nature so although I am a dominant type of person I comfortable by myself (living in my own head) and have never had a need to search for someone to be dominant over. I also have a sadistic streak. Not to say i like to hurt people but I do enjoy the employment and exploration of pain as another sensation to toy with as part of sexual play with a WILLING partner.
Does all this make me a Mistress or Dominatrix? To address the latter.. No, it does not. I'm not one for the theater I associate with a dominatrix. I love fetish wear but it does not have to be part of my play. I am as apt to play in my jeans and cami as I am in my latex corset and thigh high boots. I'm not one for the barking of commands and verbal abuse nor am I into the (what I perceive) the put on appearance of superiority with the words "Yes Mistress" being uttered every few minutes. All these things I see as the theater around what is important. Yes, I make requests with expectations of compliance. Yes, I will break a toy down verbally if I feel a point needs to be made, or if the whim strikes and it will amuse me. And yes i expect respect but that does not mean being called some title every time one of my girls opens their mouth. As I have told them both.. "I know well my place in the food chain. I don't need the reminder. And if you do, then I'm doing something wrong"
Now to address the former... I feel 'Mistress' (or Master for that matter) is a title one can't just pick up and wear. It can only be bestowed by another. When you and that other person come to a place in life where they TRUST you enough to submit, to give, themselves (in some large measure) to you. And where you TRUST them enough to accept that gift and all the responsibility that comes with it. To me, it is a powerful term, one that should never be taken, or given, lightly.
I'm not saying my views "are the way is should be". I'm saying is this is the way for me. And that is what matters in my mind.
"Are you a Mistress?"... This is a question I have been asked numerous times while hanging out at a SL place called The Bondage Ranch. I think what they are really asking is "Are you a Dominatrix?". For some reason this question always surprises me and I always answer with what I see is the truth... "I am called Mistress by some" and leave it at that This seems to confuse most that ask the question and it quickly ends the conversation (which I see no downside in at all). But this has happened enough that I feel I need to step back and explore the real question... What am I?
I guess its best to say I am a Dominant in the sense of female wolf being the alpha bitch of her pack. I'm also very solitary by nature so although I am a dominant type of person I comfortable by myself (living in my own head) and have never had a need to search for someone to be dominant over. I also have a sadistic streak. Not to say i like to hurt people but I do enjoy the employment and exploration of pain as another sensation to toy with as part of sexual play with a WILLING partner.
Does all this make me a Mistress or Dominatrix? To address the latter.. No, it does not. I'm not one for the theater I associate with a dominatrix. I love fetish wear but it does not have to be part of my play. I am as apt to play in my jeans and cami as I am in my latex corset and thigh high boots. I'm not one for the barking of commands and verbal abuse nor am I into the (what I perceive) the put on appearance of superiority with the words "Yes Mistress" being uttered every few minutes. All these things I see as the theater around what is important. Yes, I make requests with expectations of compliance. Yes, I will break a toy down verbally if I feel a point needs to be made, or if the whim strikes and it will amuse me. And yes i expect respect but that does not mean being called some title every time one of my girls opens their mouth. As I have told them both.. "I know well my place in the food chain. I don't need the reminder. And if you do, then I'm doing something wrong"
Now to address the former... I feel 'Mistress' (or Master for that matter) is a title one can't just pick up and wear. It can only be bestowed by another. When you and that other person come to a place in life where they TRUST you enough to submit, to give, themselves (in some large measure) to you. And where you TRUST them enough to accept that gift and all the responsibility that comes with it. To me, it is a powerful term, one that should never be taken, or given, lightly.
I'm not saying my views "are the way is should be". I'm saying is this is the way for me. And that is what matters in my mind.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Killing Time if Nothing Else...
It has been a VERY busy few days. Good from a business standpoint as always but it keeps me away from things like this blog, forums and SL. Things I find relaxing for the most part.
So I find myself with a few minutes today and here I am, blogging a bit while standing about a place in SL called Bondage Ranch. I tend to hang about here when I'm in a killing time or chilling mood. Stand about and watch the herd mill about. A herd that consists primarily of goobs and other lower forms of SL life. Like one that just walked in...
Ariann Roussel shouts: hello all Doms!
Wow... Like the few Dom/me about give a flying rats ass that another free range wannasubbie has wandered into view. I know I was all a twitter after this announcement *rolls her eyes*
But even goobs like this have entertainment value. Something to snark and laugh at if nothing else. And occasionally one of the herd catches my eye. One that shows a care for its look and maybe with something to say in its profile. One that might be interesting to take, to subdue, to listen to the sweet music of its screams, to use to amuse myself for a period of time... but to pursue would take to much effort (I'm a lazy vamp these days) and I am quite content with the two pets I have in hand. They me serve very well...... not seeing them because I'm busy is the worst thing about being busy. *shrugs*
So I find myself with a few minutes today and here I am, blogging a bit while standing about a place in SL called Bondage Ranch. I tend to hang about here when I'm in a killing time or chilling mood. Stand about and watch the herd mill about. A herd that consists primarily of goobs and other lower forms of SL life. Like one that just walked in...
Ariann Roussel shouts: hello all Doms!
Wow... Like the few Dom/me about give a flying rats ass that another free range wannasubbie has wandered into view. I know I was all a twitter after this announcement *rolls her eyes*
But even goobs like this have entertainment value. Something to snark and laugh at if nothing else. And occasionally one of the herd catches my eye. One that shows a care for its look and maybe with something to say in its profile. One that might be interesting to take, to subdue, to listen to the sweet music of its screams, to use to amuse myself for a period of time... but to pursue would take to much effort (I'm a lazy vamp these days) and I am quite content with the two pets I have in hand. They me serve very well...... not seeing them because I'm busy is the worst thing about being busy. *shrugs*
Thursday, March 20, 2008
No purpose... just bored
*SIGHS* Sometimes what I do for a living can be soooo boring. Watching the various VMs do their thing, waiting for them to finish and spit out results that can lead to the fun part of what I do. Waiting... still waiting. Drinking more coffee and waiting. Looking out the window at the bright sunny day.. should I sneak out? Or just wait some more... Are they done yet? No.. so here I sit, waiting.... Do I make some sales type calls? Do I try to do something else useful? Do I try to squeeze out a bit of bandwidth and see what is up in SL? Or do I wait... and wait... and wait... F it! Door Number 3 it is!
*scampers off*
*scampers off*
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Spending time with a Pet and thinking
I'm sitting about working on a joint project with my Nina and some recent conversations start bubbling through my mind. By the way I refer to Nina and Minxy and but some items you can see my my "About Me" section one can conclude that I have more then a simple passing interest in BDSM and the lifestyle in general. While not active in RL these more I am very active in the SL world. I takes this very seriously and that connection with Nina and Minxy is very very real. What bubbled to the surface is the the number of people running about wanting to be a sub or slave in SL. Most it seems just for a couple hours of sexual "play" (contrary to their word), like letting your RL lover tie you up for a night to give the sex an edge. Then there are those that seem to have more depth and looking for something more but just offer them selves up to the first person running about with a "Master/Mistress" tag or an interesting profile. So eager that they don't take the time to know the person or develop anything out side the "sexual" side of things. Then they sit back and wonder why they are disillusioned. By rushing in they miss something important. I sometimes feel sorry for these souls... *shrugs*
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Easter Time is Here!
Yes it almost Easter and I thought I would celebrate by giving everyone a little something special
A peep show!
Que Music!
You ready for this?
Pretty hot huh?
*winks*
A peep show!
Que Music!
You ready for this?
Pretty hot huh?
*winks*
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Building Again...
Wow... Third day in a row to post something. I'm gonna ruin my image as a slacker! Anyway.. I've started building and doing some simple animation work again. This all came about because I want some new furniture in my SL apartment. I can never seem to find exactly what I want or find stuff that is close but with Mod right so I can make it "mine". So I started to make a set of living room furniture that is closer to the laid back, modern, comfy style that I like. When my Nina found out she got all excited and decided it was time to put some of her considerable scripting skills to work and finish up an idea she has for auto adjusting, selectable pose, sit scripts for furniture that are not the resource hogs as she puts it. Of course this let me to "having" to build some new animations with the hip height normalized across all the poses. So this is the first set to roll out. Yes I said first (grumbles)... I'm not sure how I got talked into all of this. But its easy to slap prims together and kind of fun. The final result will be a platform to showcase my Nina's idea's and will be marketed by her. I'll post more as this product is matured.
Monday, March 10, 2008
Da First Entry
Hello All
Happy Monday and welcome to my latest effort at this blogging thing. I'm not sure what I'm going to do with it but I figured "What the hell, all the cool kids are doing it.'
What will be here you might ask? Thoughts about my life in SL (and in RL) and the things and people I meet there, views of politics through my cynical and jaded eyes, poor attempts at writing stories and anything else that I floats to the surface of the chaotic mess that passes for my brain cell.
Happy Monday and welcome to my latest effort at this blogging thing. I'm not sure what I'm going to do with it but I figured "What the hell, all the cool kids are doing it.'
What will be here you might ask? Thoughts about my life in SL (and in RL) and the things and people I meet there, views of politics through my cynical and jaded eyes, poor attempts at writing stories and anything else that I floats to the surface of the chaotic mess that passes for my brain cell.
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