Bleh...

I'm edgy, cranky, bitchy, with a sharp word for all about me the last few days... ('so what's the difference?' you are asking). Missing quality time with my Nina and my Minxy. MEH!!! Silly to miss people one only knows as pixel cartoons... but miss them I do. Well.. if i'm going to be grumpy anyhow I may as well go back to work.

Random thoughts on Tibet...

Because I feel most people base their views primarily on emotion I have always thought of myself as one that looks more at fact. My strong negative views to the long running struggles of Tibet and China's recent crackdown there I thought was well reasoned and based on information I had read and processed logically. This was challenged recently by a conversation I had with a friend in world on the subject. After talking a bit and me spouting off my view, my friend asked me a few very good questions.. (It should be noted that my friend is an immigrant from China)

Friend: so you are basing your stance on what you have read and heard in the news over the years?

Me: Well yes...

Friend: news that is written in 30 second sound bites designed, in your own words, to get your attention and shock

Me: erm... well... yes that is true. But also from alternative sources like blogs and the like.

Friend: Blogs written by whom? Are they really reporting simple facts or is the information begin spun to match a political point.

Me: erm... Well... (seeing a trend here?)

Friend: Do you have any knowledge in your vast readings of the state of the region? Now vs. Communist rule from Beijing?

Me: Yes, several articles written in recent years on the subject!

Friend: And the authors of these articles have no political viewpoint on the subject they were writing about? The articles where written as a purely scholarly exercise and not to expound on a political view?

Me: erm...

Friend: Would you willingly live in a society that demanded you to be a Christian and follow strict christian law? Where your most conservative Christian preachers made the laws and ran everything? Who decided who would be would become part of the ruling elite?

Me: erm.... (by now I'm getting very good at this sound)

Friend laughs at me: Its nice to turn the tables on you every once in a while.

now... at this point I have to admit that my views on the subject ARE based mostly on an emotional response to an oppressive communist government and a naive and very limited understanding what religious rule is based on Buddhism. I'm going to have to do more reading so I can reduce the use of the "erm" sound in my next conversation on the subject.

It sucks to find that I'm just like everyone else.

Dream Weirdness

Have you ever had a dream that you were asleep dreaming but this dream with in a dream was actually a nightmare? I was dreaming last night. This is odd in its self as I don't usually dream at all. In the in inner dream I woke up and felt someone or something holding me down. Literally had the feeling of hands on my right wrist and left forearm. In the inner dream I could see something there. Fuzzy with the edges not defined like I used to see upon waking before I had my eyes fixed. In the inner dream I fought, pulled my right hand free and punched hard. I could feel the punch land on something solid then stuck again as I rolled to pull my left arm free. I the inner dream I was able to make the thing above me fall back allowing me to pull my left arm free, knocking over my night stand with all of it assorted junk in the process, and roll of the bed to scramble to my feet. I could see the someone/something begin to lunge back at me... and it was at this time I dreamed I woke up from the nightmare. I dreamed I was laying in bed, sweating, trying to catch my breath. I dreamed I went to turn on the lamp that is on my nightstand but it was not there being knocked over as I thrashed about in the nightmare. In my dreamed I laid there for a long time trying to calm down. Then, I realized I was still dreaming and forced myself to really wake up. I laid there and looked about the room. With the moonlight filtering in I could see that nothing was knocked over. The covers over me were not tossed about as if I was struggling. I was not sweating. I was not breathing hard. The only thing that was amiss was my heart was pounding... HARD. I calmed and centered myself, running through what happened in the dream. I slipped off to sleep again waking up at my normal time this morning. The knuckles on my right hand are bruised and my wrist hurts.

Weird....

How to buy power...

Nearly $351,000,000 million dollars have been spent by the big three trying to win the personal power and prestige of the Oval Office. Yes that is 351 MILLION dollars. Yes that is nearly 1/2 BILLION dollars. all spend through the end of February. See the numbers here from OpenSecrets.org. This is just insane amounts of money. Think of all the good things that could be done with that type of cash flow. All the good things that these critters running say they want to do with our tax dollars. I think there are entire federal agencies that operate on a budget of less then that. Hell!!! I'm sure there are entire countries that operate on a GDP less then that!!! For fucks sakes, if these people really wanted to do good things for this country why do they want to run for Pres? Why not use this ability to raise this kind of capital actually DOING something. Because its all about the personal power, the perks and the prestige. For those things these critters will plead with us with well crafted word on their lips and a hit of a tear in their eye because the CARE sooooo much. All the while holding out their hat and racing to place the highest bid. Yes, that is American politics for you, just like buying trash on EBay. Yes WE THE PEOPLE are buying trash... and have been for many years now.

"Are you a Mistress?"

Yes, I have and interest in and am involved in (to varying degrees over the years) in what is called the D/s lifestyle. I am almost exclusively active only in SL these days and its my experience there that leads to this post.

"Are you a Mistress?"... This is a question I have been asked numerous times while hanging out at a SL place called The Bondage Ranch. I think what they are really asking is "Are you a Dominatrix?". For some reason this question always surprises me and I always answer with what I see is the truth... "I am called Mistress by some" and leave it at that This seems to confuse most that ask the question and it quickly ends the conversation (which I see no downside in at all). But this has happened enough that I feel I need to step back and explore the real question... What am I?

I guess its best to say I am a Dominant in the sense of female wolf being the alpha bitch of her pack. I'm also very solitary by nature so although I am a dominant type of person I comfortable by myself (living in my own head) and have never had a need to search for someone to be dominant over. I also have a sadistic streak. Not to say i like to hurt people but I do enjoy the employment and exploration of pain as another sensation to toy with as part of sexual play with a WILLING partner.

Does all this make me a Mistress or Dominatrix? To address the latter.. No, it does not. I'm not one for the theater I associate with a dominatrix. I love fetish wear but it does not have to be part of my play. I am as apt to play in my jeans and cami as I am in my latex corset and thigh high boots. I'm not one for the barking of commands and verbal abuse nor am I into the (what I perceive) the put on appearance of superiority with the words "Yes Mistress" being uttered every few minutes. All these things I see as the theater around what is important. Yes, I make requests with expectations of compliance. Yes, I will break a toy down verbally if I feel a point needs to be made, or if the whim strikes and it will amuse me. And yes i expect respect but that does not mean being called some title every time one of my girls opens their mouth. As I have told them both.. "I know well my place in the food chain. I don't need the reminder. And if you do, then I'm doing something wrong"

Now to address the former... I feel 'Mistress' (or Master for that matter) is a title one can't just pick up and wear. It can only be bestowed by another. When you and that other person come to a place in life where they TRUST you enough to submit, to give, themselves (in some large measure) to you. And where you TRUST them enough to accept that gift and all the responsibility that comes with it. To me, it is a powerful term, one that should never be taken, or given, lightly.

I'm not saying my views "are the way is should be". I'm saying is this is the way for me. And that is what matters in my mind.

Alpha moms and SUVs

Life and business continues to be busy. I've been working a gig on-site about 65 miles north of my apartment. So a lot of the last few days has been spent driving up to the client site and back every day. During my drive I have taken note of somthing... That there are a hell of a lot of cellphone talking, make-up applying, doublechocohalfcafskinny latte drinking, bratty kids in the back seat smacking, ginormous SUV driving alpha moms running about on the road WITHOUT a FARKING CLUE there are other vehicles around them!! Twice... TWICE... in the past 4 days I have been nearly rubbed into the weeds one of these fine individuals! One, this morning, past me (at OVER 90mph) with a cell phone in one hand and applying her lipstick with the other. Notice, BOTH of this persons hands were full. What the fark was she driving with? Her Knee? At over 90 mph?!?!?!?!?!?! AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHH!!!!!