Are we there yet?

Really...... is the election over yet?

Are we done arguing which way the water should spin as we flush this country and the things it stood for down the drain? By all means, be excited and get your lazy Red or Blue asses out and vote but please... I'm begging here... pleeeeeeze SHUT THE FUCK UP AND QUIT ARGUING WHICH SIDE IS BETTER!!!!!!

They are flip sides of the the same rotting cow PIE, They are
RED vs. BLUE
A Socialist vs A Fascist
Stalin vs. Hitler!!!

THEY BOTH SUCK!!!!!!!! ARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!

Everyone get your ass out and vote! Quit fucking talking... yeah... you... you in the corner with the Barack McCain/John Obama button on waving your lil flag... that means you too fucktard!

Lets get this all over with then release the virus and let the Zombies come!!! I got my crowbar and shotgun so I'm all set.

Besides... zombies eat brains so they will soon starve to fucking death in this fucking country.

Speed... Liberates?

Took a long ride on the bike Saturday... It was a beautiful October day, almost 80 degrees, crystal clear skies, the road side green with a sprinkle of flowers from the rains a earlier in the week. The southwest desert at its most beautiful. I took old 66 out east of town. then turning south for a nice long stretch of open road. Just taking my time and enjoying the day.

Somewhere about 2 hours into the jaunt the world intruded. My mind started spinning over work issues of the last few weeks, over things going on with what passes for my family, just the general BS of life got a hold of my braincell and just wouldn't let go. Needless to say this was really f-ing with my mood.

I stopped to top of the tank on my bright yellow scoot then sat for a bit looking at my map trying to decide which way to run home. I was decidedly grumpy at this point so I found the most direct route.

As soon as I was back on the road with the lil town behind me all the ugly thoughts I was having returned with a vengeance. So I started to roll on more and more throttle, building speed fast, the scream of the lil triple loud even in the helmet. I crossed 80... and my mind was still wandering... then 100 went by and my mind started to focus.. started to push things back in their little boxes. I hugged the lil scoot and rolled on more.. making the world around me disappear as I tried to outrun the crap in my head.

At one point I came up FAST on a car and flicked around it, then another. I looked down and saw 132 go past as the road stretched out before me, clear except for some oncoming dots in the other lane. It was at this point I realized that a gust of wind, a bad spot in the road or, if I wished to take control, a small press on the left grip could send me head on into the tractor/trailer rig the oncoming dot had suddenly become. It was at this point that fate or my own will could free me from myself. It was at this point I realized I was calm again.

It was a good day.

When did it all change?

Opportunity and success... two things that are tied closely together. The latter is impossible without the former, however, the former does not guarantee the latter. At least this is how I see things, how I have been taught buy history, life, and others. These are too interrelating concepts that are, or were, key ideas in the grand experiment called the USA.

Recent conversations... well to be honest arguments... tell me this has all changed. At least the relationship of the two concepts seems to have changed. And i didn't get the damn memo!! *shakes her fist in anger*

The first convo was with a business associate who looks down at me for my lack of advanced degrees, my lack of junk dangling between my legs, for my common (read honest) way I deal with others o the team, not to mention the color of my skin. He hides all this behind his concern and outrage at the social injustice that has so obviously kept me and others from being a success (having a 20year+ career, respect from peers in the same game, and owning my own small business is not successful enough to count I guess).

The second convo was with a person I grew up with. A person bemoaning the she is an alcoholic fucktard that is a leach on society (ok thoes are my words, she had a different description for her for the state of her life). A person that is angry at the she was not "allowed" to make more of herself, angry that I have been soooo lucky to have been given all that I have. She seems to forget that we went to the same schools, lived in the same hood, that she was given the scholarships that I was denied oh so many years ago

The two themes both the conversations shared, the basic logic both people seems to be following was that opportunity leads to success and that lack of success is indisputable proof that opportunity was DENIED! That SOMEONE took it away.

So all you fucktards out there who whine daily that you are not all you can be, rejoice!!! Its not your fault! Someone has denied you your place in the sun, someone has stolen the bread of opportunity from your very lips. How do I KNOW this? You are a fucktard without a Benz and 42 plasma TVs. This could not happen in a just and fair world so it is OBVIOUS that you have been denied opportunity!

As the obvious failure that I am, I feel so much better that I understand this new paradigm.

A Pet Returns

Yay!! My Minx showed up in SL last eve! I'm sooooo relieved to know now that she is all right. We sat and had a good talk, mocked a goob or two and generally caught up on things as she apologized for being gone over other word or so. *chuckles*

She seemed generally suprised I wasn't mad at her... that I didn't hate her for being MIA for so long. Maybe by some rules I should but... well.. that is just not my way.

First off I understand the stresses of RL all to well. I've always said to my Pets that RL comes first and foremost. I understand the life can, and does, draw one away as it tries to consume you. I understand the desire to close up one's own shell as one battles life, to hide from all around you, to hide from the very things that can give one strength. I've done it often enough myself over the year so yes... I understand this all to well.

Second off, even if it does not appear from the outside, I do take the D/s aspect of things very seriously. I do not lighly put aside a toy I've taken to hand. One that I have marked as my own. I value you them to high to be cavalier about it all.

Lastly, I just don't get caught up in what ifs, and might have beens. I don't go looking for things to be sad or mad about either. I enjoy moments as they come for all to often life comes and takes em away. I enjoy people (well thoes few I hold close all others can piss off) for who they are and the smiles that they bring me. Not what they could have done or times that might have been. Again, I just enjoy what I can when I can and hold the memory for what it is. To do more is just asking for uneeded distress WHEN (not if) life gets in the way.

Bottom line is that I'm simply glad to have the Minx back around for as long life allows. I will enjoy the moments as they come bank the laughs until the time life comes and gets in the way again.

Sub Courting?

I find it interesting how some "submissives" in SL want to be asked, politely, to submit. How they want to be courted. To be placed on a pedestal even. I've seemed to have confused many in SL 'cause I don't ask.. "Please wear my collar.. pretty please... with whip cream and shackles on top?"

I understand that D/s is a realationship just like any other so this byplay, this pursuit, this courship is part of it all but asking someone to "submit" just doesn't make much sense to what passes for my caffine overloaded braincell.

It may all be odd to me for the simple fact I don't need, or even want to, go find someone to be dominant over. Just like I don't feel the need, or the desire, to go find some one to have a relationship with. I am a loner thru and thru. I don't have much use for people in general usually. Sex, bent or vanilla, SL or RL, is easy to come by, easy to take what I want of the moment, so what would I want with the extra hassle and bagage? Why would one such as me pursue anyone? Why would one such as me give up even a little up of power?

There are a very select few wear my collar or have asked for my protection. These few are very close friends first and foremost People I care for in my own weird way and would do so regardless of the extra D/s aspect of our connection. But in all have asked, begged even, for their place at MY feet Not the other way around. And no matter how soft my feelings for these wonderful people may be, that is EXACTLY how it should be.

Then again... Mebe its me that doesn't understand the 'rules'. Not that I care to. *shrugs*

Random thought..

Nothing special to say this eve. Chilln' at the moment listing to some live blues in SL. A great artist called in SL Tone Uriza. Such an amazing voice and a wonderful bluesman. Once of the many things and people that make SL such a draw for me. With out SL I would have never come across this person or his music. If you are ever bobing about SL and are looking for something to do or listen to, look this boi up you will not be disapointed

Catching Up... Part II

What else has been happing... I bought a motorcycle. a 2007 bright freaking yellow Triumph Daytona. A stupid fast sport bike that is a blast to ride. Its nice to be back on a bike again after so many years away. A great aspect of riding is that when I get on the bike, it forces me to put all mundane thoughts away and concentrate on the ride. In a car you have time to mull all the bullshit that piles up in a day. On a bike I find I just can't do this. Its amazing just how fast "bad things" begin to develop when you are just the slighest bit distracted. So I force my self to stop the useless thinking and concentrate on the bike. Its almost a zen state in a way during even a short ride. Just the bike.. me.. and the world about. All the other buzzing thoughts are forced in a lil box to be opened later.. with a nice cold 'tini in hand.

Catching Up.. Part 1

Wow... been way to long since I wrote anything. Life has been busy to say the least. I'm not working from home much any more. The general slow down in business has forced me to take more "traditional" gigs. Working as a sub contractor for larger groups and spending more time working at client sites as part of a team. I guess I'm being pulled slowly back into the corporate world with all the ugliness that entails.

All that ends up meaning that I'm spending less time in SL at different hours that I used to. And the time I spend there I'm usually only half there mentally as I'm doing other work related things. I'm not getting time to spend with my Nina. Not getting to share her day to day joy's and triumphs like I used to. Not being able to fill my part... my role... and that makes me feel sad. I've become yet another absent SL Dominant that causes so pain to others. I hate it when I see it happen to others and it makes me angry at myself that it seems to be happening to me.

I do keep other lines of communication open, gchat, email.. etc. So my Nina knows i'm thinking of her but its not the same. Others have asked for a place with me.. and I have extended my protection (a vamp thing) to one sweet kitten but I'm hesitant to offer more. To take another step down a road I'll be pulled from due to the demands of RL.

Losing contact with My Minxy is not helping the way I feel either. I feel responsible for her disappence back into RL. I feel responsible for her abandoning her SL friends. I know I shouldn't but... *shrugs*

more to come.

I got a new cell phone..

I broke my cell this weekend. Not intentionally this time but a real accident. It fell out of my jacket pocket. if I mention I was riding a motorcycle at the time?

Anyway I go the to cell phone kiosk to get a new one. I can see the sales boi's eye light up as he started pitching phones that have a 3.0 bazillon pixel camera, 3G Internet access, that play music when ever you fart.. that will stand up to sing and dance as they get you coffee! The poor boi was getting positivly excited as he talked about all these "must have" features!. I was afraid someone was going to have to get a towel and help clean up his... mess.

So just before he climaxed (he was rubbing a pretty touch screen frantically and panting) I interrupted him...

"Stop.. here is what I need in a phone...

1. I need it to ring we someone calls me... ring, not play music, simply ring

2. I need to be able to CLEARLY hear the person that has called me.

3. I need to have the person that called me hear my voice CLEARLY

4. I need to do 2 and 3 while my hands and fingers are pounding a keyboard

5. I need to do 2 and 3 while driving a car, keeping my hands on the wheel and shifter at all times.

that is it. end of requirements... "

At this point he studdered "but.. but.. but... " then this sad crestfallen look comes across his face. It was prolly the look he has when his GF stops the hummer to send a text message to her other BF. Needless to say I smiled sweetly and then laughed at him.

End of the story is I have a snazzy new cell phone with more features then I will every use but it was the only one that met all five of my, what I thought were, simple requirement. All this left me asking the question.. When did something as annoying as a phone become a toy?"

Missing da Minx

Along with my rants and random thoughts I find my self a bit blue. I realized the other day that it has been three months.. count em... three... since I last saw my Minxy in SL. I miss the lovely nutter. I miss her bad jokes and puns, I miss her quiet strength when she took her place at my feet. I miss her. We had just started down a path... *sighs* I simply hope she is well and happy and that in some way she knows that she still has a place should she return.

Energy "crisis"

Yep another post... I gots lots of random thoughts to catch up on!

I've been following the debates on the "energy crisis" here in the US. Watching people running up and down the streent screaming "the sky is falling!!!" Everyone on is asking for solutions. Many are offering them up but WE keep tossing them aside because they will take to long, or don't fit our nice lil view of how things "should" be. WE waste time looking for someone to blame for it all.. someone WE can punish for OUR own short comings.

GET OVER IT PEOPLE!!!!!!! You want someone to blame, look in the fucking mirror. The current situation is OUR fault. Got that? Good.. now can we move on to doing something about it?

What can we do you ask? First off, WE need to wake up and pull OUR collective head out of OUR collective ass then realize that there IS NO PERFECT SOLUTION! Say it with me... THERE IS NO PERFECT SOLUTION!!!!! Has that sunk in? Goooooood... now then to ask the question what can be done?

To this my answer is EVERYTHING.. We need to drill for more oil, change our habits and conserve more, invest in Wind/Solar/PigShit Methane/etc (both federally and individually), build more nuke plants, rethinks the regulations that hold us back, do anything and everything people can think of. And do it all now. Of couse much of this stuff is not going to pay off for 5, 10, or 20 years from now and there will be pain between now and then but get over it. Growth and change means PAIN!!!!! Let's grow up, bite down, and get it done!

Perceptions...

Wow... its been sometime since I've added something here. I've been busy with my business. The fear that many have about the current US economy has me working hard to keep my current clients (and thus my two employed minions) and working harder to drum up new work.

Watching the current melt down it astounds me how perception is not draw from reality but drives reality all by its self. Investors "think" something "might" be wrong and react on this perception which in turn creates the reality. This not only works on the macro scale like the economy but on the micro scale of personal relationships. One thinks that something is wrong in a relationship with another. They think the other has done something. They have no proof, just a feeling.. but change their actions and interactions based on this perception. This of course makes the other think and change actions as well.. and the flat spin starts with the inevitable CRASH!!! at the bottom.

Whats furhter weird is this dynamic of perception molding reality only works in the downward/negative direction. It NEVER flows back, or at least doesn't seem so to me.

Control...

I was talking with a friend other day, a friend in SL. We got on the subject of D/s (she is a sweet lil submissive) and we were talking about how I feel I don't feel I spend enough time with my two girls due to RL. Then she made a comment along the lines of... "It must be tough trying to control your subs when you are away so much" At this I had to pause and think. Is it tough? Do I even try to control? And the answer to both was a very clear NO. My girls are both strong and uber smart. Both are friends first and foremost. Both have seen something that leads them to give themselves totally to me, to put my wants ahead of theirs. I don't need to control then for when I want something I have but to quietly ask and it is done. I don't need to control them for I KNOW that they will always act in such a way that I approve of and I KNOW that even if they do not, I will hear of it first from their lips. Such is our connection, such is my trust in them. As see it, with trust I do not need to "control"

Bleh...

I'm edgy, cranky, bitchy, with a sharp word for all about me the last few days... ('so what's the difference?' you are asking). Missing quality time with my Nina and my Minxy. MEH!!! Silly to miss people one only knows as pixel cartoons... but miss them I do. Well.. if i'm going to be grumpy anyhow I may as well go back to work.

Random thoughts on Tibet...

Because I feel most people base their views primarily on emotion I have always thought of myself as one that looks more at fact. My strong negative views to the long running struggles of Tibet and China's recent crackdown there I thought was well reasoned and based on information I had read and processed logically. This was challenged recently by a conversation I had with a friend in world on the subject. After talking a bit and me spouting off my view, my friend asked me a few very good questions.. (It should be noted that my friend is an immigrant from China)

Friend: so you are basing your stance on what you have read and heard in the news over the years?

Me: Well yes...

Friend: news that is written in 30 second sound bites designed, in your own words, to get your attention and shock

Me: erm... well... yes that is true. But also from alternative sources like blogs and the like.

Friend: Blogs written by whom? Are they really reporting simple facts or is the information begin spun to match a political point.

Me: erm... Well... (seeing a trend here?)

Friend: Do you have any knowledge in your vast readings of the state of the region? Now vs. Communist rule from Beijing?

Me: Yes, several articles written in recent years on the subject!

Friend: And the authors of these articles have no political viewpoint on the subject they were writing about? The articles where written as a purely scholarly exercise and not to expound on a political view?

Me: erm...

Friend: Would you willingly live in a society that demanded you to be a Christian and follow strict christian law? Where your most conservative Christian preachers made the laws and ran everything? Who decided who would be would become part of the ruling elite?

Me: erm.... (by now I'm getting very good at this sound)

Friend laughs at me: Its nice to turn the tables on you every once in a while.

now... at this point I have to admit that my views on the subject ARE based mostly on an emotional response to an oppressive communist government and a naive and very limited understanding what religious rule is based on Buddhism. I'm going to have to do more reading so I can reduce the use of the "erm" sound in my next conversation on the subject.

It sucks to find that I'm just like everyone else.

Dream Weirdness

Have you ever had a dream that you were asleep dreaming but this dream with in a dream was actually a nightmare? I was dreaming last night. This is odd in its self as I don't usually dream at all. In the in inner dream I woke up and felt someone or something holding me down. Literally had the feeling of hands on my right wrist and left forearm. In the inner dream I could see something there. Fuzzy with the edges not defined like I used to see upon waking before I had my eyes fixed. In the inner dream I fought, pulled my right hand free and punched hard. I could feel the punch land on something solid then stuck again as I rolled to pull my left arm free. I the inner dream I was able to make the thing above me fall back allowing me to pull my left arm free, knocking over my night stand with all of it assorted junk in the process, and roll of the bed to scramble to my feet. I could see the someone/something begin to lunge back at me... and it was at this time I dreamed I woke up from the nightmare. I dreamed I was laying in bed, sweating, trying to catch my breath. I dreamed I went to turn on the lamp that is on my nightstand but it was not there being knocked over as I thrashed about in the nightmare. In my dreamed I laid there for a long time trying to calm down. Then, I realized I was still dreaming and forced myself to really wake up. I laid there and looked about the room. With the moonlight filtering in I could see that nothing was knocked over. The covers over me were not tossed about as if I was struggling. I was not sweating. I was not breathing hard. The only thing that was amiss was my heart was pounding... HARD. I calmed and centered myself, running through what happened in the dream. I slipped off to sleep again waking up at my normal time this morning. The knuckles on my right hand are bruised and my wrist hurts.

Weird....

How to buy power...

Nearly $351,000,000 million dollars have been spent by the big three trying to win the personal power and prestige of the Oval Office. Yes that is 351 MILLION dollars. Yes that is nearly 1/2 BILLION dollars. all spend through the end of February. See the numbers here from OpenSecrets.org. This is just insane amounts of money. Think of all the good things that could be done with that type of cash flow. All the good things that these critters running say they want to do with our tax dollars. I think there are entire federal agencies that operate on a budget of less then that. Hell!!! I'm sure there are entire countries that operate on a GDP less then that!!! For fucks sakes, if these people really wanted to do good things for this country why do they want to run for Pres? Why not use this ability to raise this kind of capital actually DOING something. Because its all about the personal power, the perks and the prestige. For those things these critters will plead with us with well crafted word on their lips and a hit of a tear in their eye because the CARE sooooo much. All the while holding out their hat and racing to place the highest bid. Yes, that is American politics for you, just like buying trash on EBay. Yes WE THE PEOPLE are buying trash... and have been for many years now.

"Are you a Mistress?"

Yes, I have and interest in and am involved in (to varying degrees over the years) in what is called the D/s lifestyle. I am almost exclusively active only in SL these days and its my experience there that leads to this post.

"Are you a Mistress?"... This is a question I have been asked numerous times while hanging out at a SL place called The Bondage Ranch. I think what they are really asking is "Are you a Dominatrix?". For some reason this question always surprises me and I always answer with what I see is the truth... "I am called Mistress by some" and leave it at that This seems to confuse most that ask the question and it quickly ends the conversation (which I see no downside in at all). But this has happened enough that I feel I need to step back and explore the real question... What am I?

I guess its best to say I am a Dominant in the sense of female wolf being the alpha bitch of her pack. I'm also very solitary by nature so although I am a dominant type of person I comfortable by myself (living in my own head) and have never had a need to search for someone to be dominant over. I also have a sadistic streak. Not to say i like to hurt people but I do enjoy the employment and exploration of pain as another sensation to toy with as part of sexual play with a WILLING partner.

Does all this make me a Mistress or Dominatrix? To address the latter.. No, it does not. I'm not one for the theater I associate with a dominatrix. I love fetish wear but it does not have to be part of my play. I am as apt to play in my jeans and cami as I am in my latex corset and thigh high boots. I'm not one for the barking of commands and verbal abuse nor am I into the (what I perceive) the put on appearance of superiority with the words "Yes Mistress" being uttered every few minutes. All these things I see as the theater around what is important. Yes, I make requests with expectations of compliance. Yes, I will break a toy down verbally if I feel a point needs to be made, or if the whim strikes and it will amuse me. And yes i expect respect but that does not mean being called some title every time one of my girls opens their mouth. As I have told them both.. "I know well my place in the food chain. I don't need the reminder. And if you do, then I'm doing something wrong"

Now to address the former... I feel 'Mistress' (or Master for that matter) is a title one can't just pick up and wear. It can only be bestowed by another. When you and that other person come to a place in life where they TRUST you enough to submit, to give, themselves (in some large measure) to you. And where you TRUST them enough to accept that gift and all the responsibility that comes with it. To me, it is a powerful term, one that should never be taken, or given, lightly.

I'm not saying my views "are the way is should be". I'm saying is this is the way for me. And that is what matters in my mind.

Alpha moms and SUVs

Life and business continues to be busy. I've been working a gig on-site about 65 miles north of my apartment. So a lot of the last few days has been spent driving up to the client site and back every day. During my drive I have taken note of somthing... That there are a hell of a lot of cellphone talking, make-up applying, doublechocohalfcafskinny latte drinking, bratty kids in the back seat smacking, ginormous SUV driving alpha moms running about on the road WITHOUT a FARKING CLUE there are other vehicles around them!! Twice... TWICE... in the past 4 days I have been nearly rubbed into the weeds one of these fine individuals! One, this morning, past me (at OVER 90mph) with a cell phone in one hand and applying her lipstick with the other. Notice, BOTH of this persons hands were full. What the fark was she driving with? Her Knee? At over 90 mph?!?!?!?!?!?! AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHH!!!!!

Killing Time if Nothing Else...

It has been a VERY busy few days. Good from a business standpoint as always but it keeps me away from things like this blog, forums and SL. Things I find relaxing for the most part.

So I find myself with a few minutes today and here I am, blogging a bit while standing about a place in SL called Bondage Ranch. I tend to hang about here when I'm in a killing time or chilling mood. Stand about and watch the herd mill about. A herd that consists primarily of goobs and other lower forms of SL life. Like one that just walked in...

Ariann Roussel shouts: hello all Doms!

Wow... Like the few Dom/me about give a flying rats ass that another free range wannasubbie has wandered into view. I know I was all a twitter after this announcement *rolls her eyes*

But even goobs like this have entertainment value. Something to snark and laugh at if nothing else. And occasionally one of the herd catches my eye. One that shows a care for its look and maybe with something to say in its profile. One that might be interesting to take, to subdue, to listen to the sweet music of its screams, to use to amuse myself for a period of time... but to pursue would take to much effort (I'm a lazy vamp these days) and I am quite content with the two pets I have in hand. They me serve very well...... not seeing them because I'm busy is the worst thing about being busy. *shrugs*

Sunrise and a Rant

Such a wonderful day so far. Was up before dawn and was able to watch the sun rise over the mountains to start a new day. Sat there, sipping my coffee watching the world go from black, to shades of grey, then to a glorious blaze of color. I said my prayers to the four directions and then turned to the tasks of the day...

I work from home and I hang out on a couple of forums while doing my working. There as been much discussion on politics as once might guess given all that is going one at this time. But comment really hit a hot button with me. One individual made the statement that his was not going to vote as a form of protest....

WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?!?!

A person is willing to give up a FUNDAMENTAL RIGHT. A FUNDAMENTAL RIGHT that is the basis of the founding of this farking country!!! THAT mindset is the farking cause of much of the problems we face in the US. The antipathy or the misplaced activism that leads one to WILLING give up a RIGHT. That is what the politicians want above ALL. The want to gather power by taking it away from us or (even better for them) us willingly giving it up. The politician here want to farking RULE not lead. As long as we LET them rule by not exercising our RIGHT to vote WE perpetuate the crap that has become the elected "leadership" of our country.

I don't care WHO people vote for. Red vs. Blue, Right vs. Left. I DON'T FARKING CARE!!!!! GET OFF YOUR ASS AND PARTICIPATE!!!!!

No purpose... just bored

*SIGHS* Sometimes what I do for a living can be soooo boring. Watching the various VMs do their thing, waiting for them to finish and spit out results that can lead to the fun part of what I do. Waiting... still waiting. Drinking more coffee and waiting. Looking out the window at the bright sunny day.. should I sneak out? Or just wait some more... Are they done yet? No.. so here I sit, waiting.... Do I make some sales type calls? Do I try to do something else useful? Do I try to squeeze out a bit of bandwidth and see what is up in SL? Or do I wait... and wait... and wait... F it! Door Number 3 it is!

*scampers off*

Spending time with a Pet and thinking

I'm sitting about working on a joint project with my Nina and some recent conversations start bubbling through my mind. By the way I refer to Nina and Minxy and but some items you can see my my "About Me" section one can conclude that I have more then a simple passing interest in BDSM and the lifestyle in general. While not active in RL these more I am very active in the SL world. I takes this very seriously and that connection with Nina and Minxy is very very real. What bubbled to the surface is the the number of people running about wanting to be a sub or slave in SL. Most it seems just for a couple hours of sexual "play" (contrary to their word), like letting your RL lover tie you up for a night to give the sex an edge. Then there are those that seem to have more depth and looking for something more but just offer them selves up to the first person running about with a "Master/Mistress" tag or an interesting profile. So eager that they don't take the time to know the person or develop anything out side the "sexual" side of things. Then they sit back and wonder why they are disillusioned. By rushing in they miss something important. I sometimes feel sorry for these souls... *shrugs*

Disjointed Tired Thoughts

Bleh... Haven't slept in a couple of days. I used to going with out sleep but it does make me... grumpy to say the least. So started off the day my barking at my flunky over something that really was of no import. I caught my self and apologized. He laughed it off but I still fell crappy about it. I never liked it when it happened to me and I hate myself when I do it to others.

Made some phone calls, working to drum up business. I run my own small (2 person) business offering a variety of IT services with a focus on security. I is the worst kind of geek, a paranoid security geek. Needless to say the crappy economic news is making small businesses really look close as to what they do with a buck. Makes the sales part of what I do harder but *shrugs* such is life.

I want to get some pictures of the poses I have been making but that would mean learning to used Photoshop. I think I'm to lazy to do that so I may bug a friend to make the pictures.

By the way... I miss my Minxy. Haven't seen her in SL for a couple of day.

A Pet, Coffee and Words...

Yes, my pet Nina, coffee and words are what I started the day with. I poured a cup a coffee and dropped in to SL before the sun was up. By sheer coincidence my Nina showed up at almost the exact same time. It always amazes me how a simple typed "Good Morning my dear owner" can bring a smile to my lips. How our conversation and prose paints power images of my Nina at my feet... arms bound tightly behind her and smiling up at me as I run my fingers through her hair sipping my morning coffee. Images far more vivid and real then the cartoon on the screen in front of me in RL. Words, simple words, powerful words....

That is how this day started my pet at my feet, sipping a cup of strong Turkish coffee. As is should be.

I had a few dead minutes so...

...I tosses some sclupty prims together and knocked out a new couch concept for ones SL shack. A soft modern/contemporary look that has a comfy look to it I think. This is the forth set that will be offered in SL on places like OnRez, etc. And just because I'm not busy enough with RL (yea, right) I also drafting up a series of new and updated poses for this line of stuffs. Back to doing real work for me.....

Easter Time is Here!

Yes it almost Easter and I thought I would celebrate by giving everyone a little something special

A peep show!

Que Music!

You ready for this?




Pretty hot huh?
*winks*

A Vamp's Story - Another part

I wish I could say I am ashamed of what I was then but I can't. I relished in the hunt, the moment of the kill, the sound of the screams as my prey realized that there is no escape, the first taste of blood exploding on my tongue I as ripped the prey's throat open, the sight of it as it ran down my neck and over my breasts, the smell of the fear and even sometimes the lust of my prey, the sensations of the prey's struggles getting weaker, the pitiful cries growing softer then turning to pleas to end it all... to take all that they have and to grant a release.

It is impossible to describe the intensity of these sensations. How, driven by the hunger, they become so bright, so sharp, so deliciously painful. How these sensations bring such an overwhelming feelings of power, of strength and the sure knowledge that what you do is so right and simply what you were put in the world to do.

I would have continued on like this, reveling in my place as a predator. Taking my due from the sheep around me over and over again. Until the day that the sheep tire of it and band together to hunt me down and end me. This, I have found, is the fate of many of the blood. Those that cannot control the hunger that brings such sweet pain. Yes, this would have been my fate but other forces intervened. For I was trapped, caged, enslaved, then ultimately broken and rebuilt by a group of these sheep that have long been in the shadow of "human" culture.

I will not reveal then name of this group. It would be meaningless to you and I still have a certain loyalty to these people as strange as that may seem. Suffice it to say that they took it upon themselves many centuries ago to do what they could to curb the excesses of my kind. To hunt down and kill those kindred lost in the bloodlust as one would any animal with a taste for human flesh. They also look to curb the predations of those humans who's cruel tastes or lust for wealth and power make them more monstrous then any vampire could ever aspire to be. To steal a modern phrase... Vampires kill but only on a retail basis.. It took humans to move killing into the wholesale market.

Needless to say this is dangerous work and many have fallen in its pursuit and in me they had found a new weapon, a vampire that could hunt both day and night. This was the reason I as hunted. This was the reason I was taken. I was to be trained me as their tool, a "death-dealer" they would come called me.

Building Again...

Wow... Third day in a row to post something. I'm gonna ruin my image as a slacker! Anyway.. I've started building and doing some simple animation work again. This all came about because I want some new furniture in my SL apartment. I can never seem to find exactly what I want or find stuff that is close but with Mod right so I can make it "mine". So I started to make a set of living room furniture that is closer to the laid back, modern, comfy style that I like. When my Nina found out she got all excited and decided it was time to put some of her considerable scripting skills to work and finish up an idea she has for auto adjusting, selectable pose, sit scripts for furniture that are not the resource hogs as she puts it. Of course this let me to "having" to build some new animations with the hip height normalized across all the poses. So this is the first set to roll out. Yes I said first (grumbles)... I'm not sure how I got talked into all of this. But its easy to slap prims together and kind of fun. The final result will be a platform to showcase my Nina's idea's and will be marketed by her. I'll post more as this product is matured.

I am blessed

Just sitting about dealing with mundane paperwork associated with my RL business and started thinking of SL and the friends I have made there. Here are a few..

First of my oldest friend Aemillia... She as been there through good and bad with me and has always been a source of strength. She is talented, cheeky, stubborn, a pain in the ass and a total sweetheart.

Then there is Forest... Mere words cannot describe her, she just has to be experience. She is my food pimp and one that both challenges and eases my mind.

Finally but not nearly least... My Pets Nina and Minxy. These two came to my hand under completely different circumstances but both never fail to make me smile. Both stubborn, both brilliant, both with lovely dark corners to play with and both MINE. Someday I might talk about what this means.

A Vamp's Story - The Start At Least...

I am a vampire. "Ahhh" you say, thinking that you know all there is to know. But the stories of the origins of my kindred are many and varied. Many of my kind feel that they are decedents of Cain and are the flail of God or that we are decedents from a cursed Egyptian queen. Still others feel we are not so ancient but are descended from a 15th century Hungarian noble Vlad Tepes or his overlord Matthius Covinus. What the truth is? who cares! The fact is we are here preying on the humans, the sheep, that surround us. The only thing that is with out question is that EVERYTHING you think you know about us is, while not exactly false, is just not completely true.

It all started on my eve before my wedding. My father was tired of supporting an unwed "old maid" at his hearth so had arranged my betrothal to strengthen an alliance. I did not want this marriage, I wanted no marriage at all! But my words carried no weight with my father, such were the times. So on a night where others brides would be giddy with excitement and anticipation I was crying and preying to God (and others we were no longer supposed to speak of) to stop this wedding in any way. I guess you might as that all that came after is my fault.

Suddenly, the sound of steel on steel rang out brightly as swords began to clash. My fathers voice boomed as he gave a cry of rage and fear. Then thinner sound of my brothers voices echoed along side. And above the din laughter could be heard. Contemptuous, cruel, laughter. All to quickly the sounds of the struggle stopped, the silence broken only by an occasional, shriek from beyond our walls. Then screams arose form the chamber where my younger sister slept! ?Please don't!? I heard my mother beg as I scrambled out of bed and out of my chamber. I ran down the corridor and into my sister's room. There I saw my younger sister in the arms of a monster! A monster possessing a beauty that called to me even though his face was covered in my sister's blood. My mother laid sprawled across the bed, her chemise soaked with her blood clung to the curves of her lush body.

I heard the screaming start again as I tried to back out of the small room. I didn't realize it was I making that horrific sound until I ran into something hard and unyielding. I turned to look into the face of the most beautiful and horrifying creature had ever seen. She smiled coldly, this was the last thing I saw... My prayers had been answered, there would be no wedding on the morn.

Somehow I alone survived and was filled with this burning hunger. The iron smell of the blood in the room filled my senses. I drug myself to where my sister was tossed. Her body a broken bloody lump of flesh. The smell of the blood set fire to this strange hunger I felt. The sight of it, black in the moonlight, called to me. I licked at the pooling blood and it exploded on my tongue and sent tremors through my body like the joy my mother told me to hope for on my wedding night. It was then that I knew I that had turned into.... something.

But what I had become I did not know. My world was filled with the terrible hunger but having no one to guide me I spent many dark years as not much more then an animal. I killed, time and time again as I roamed. I killed to feed my hunger... I killed those who had the gall to persue me.... and I killed for the simple joy of it all. I remember a shepherd boy with ice blue eyes begging me not to hurt his charges just before I broke his neck. I remember the stench of the drunken townsman as I pinned him to the wall in some filthy back alley and tore open his troat. I remember the soft voice of the lass who's screams echoed through the trees of some unnamed forest.

Da First Entry

Hello All

Happy Monday and welcome to my latest effort at this blogging thing. I'm not sure what I'm going to do with it but I figured "What the hell, all the cool kids are doing it.'

What will be here you might ask? Thoughts about my life in SL (and in RL) and the things and people I meet there, views of politics through my cynical and jaded eyes, poor attempts at writing stories and anything else that I floats to the surface of the chaotic mess that passes for my brain cell.